I saw these about gardening which I think are quite funny.

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill
except for learning how to grow in rows.
- Doug Larson

Everyone has these on their face?
Tulips

I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me.
Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Why did the horse go behind the tree?
To change his jockeys.

What vegetable can tie your stomach in knots?
String beans.

What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet.
- Shel Silverstein

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields
were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the fences were broken down. During his first
day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make
this the farm of your dreams!" A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold,
it's a completely different place. The farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty
of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted
in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!"
"Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"

Quote:I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me.
Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide.
- Jerry Seinfeld

lol, that`s me sometimes.

lol Nice.

this joke is better spoke but thats ok.

A mushroom walked into the bar
and the bartender said "We don't serve mushrooms here"
and the mushroom said, "Why not, im a fun guy"

yeah its bad