At gaseterias through the nation:
Eat here and get gas.

At a Santa Fe gas station:
We will sell gasoline to anyone in
a glass container.

In a New Hampshire jewelry store:
Ears pierced while you wait.

In a New York restaurant:
Customers who consider our waitresses
uncivil ought to see the manager.

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
Trespassers will be prosecuted
to the full extent of the law.
--Sisters of Mercy

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
38 years on the same spot.

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.

On a movie theater:
Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted
unless with child.

In a Florida maternity ward:
No children allowed.

In a New York drugstore:
We dispense with accuracy

On a New Hampshire medical building:
Martin Diabetes Professional Ass.

In the offices of a loan company:
Ask about our plans for owning
your home.

In a New York medical building:
Mental Health Prevention Center

In a toy department:
Five Santa Clauses -- No waiting!

On a New York convalescent home:
For the sick and tired of the
Episcopal Church.

On a Maine shop:
Our motto is to give our customers the lowest
possible prices and workmanship.

At a number of military bases:
Restricted to unauthorized personnel.

On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards:
Now available
in multi-packs.

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
Don't kill your wife.
Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

In a funeral parlor:
Ask about our layaway plan.

In a clothing store:
Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
15 men's wool suits, $10.
They won't last an hour!

On a shopping mall marquee:
Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced

Outside a country shop:
We buy junk and sell antiques.

On a Pennsylvania highway:
Drive carefully. Auto accidents kill
most people 15 to 19.

In downtown Boston:
Callahan Tunnel -- No end

In the window of an Oregon store:
Why go elsewhere and be cheated when
you can come here?

In a Maine restaurant:
Open 7 days a week and weekends.

In a New Jersey restaurant:
Open 11 AM to 11 PMmidnight.

In front of a New Hampshire restaurant:
Now serving live lobsters.

On a radiator repair garage:
Best place to take a leak.

On a movie marquee:
Now playing:
ADAM AND EVE
with a cast of thousands!

In the vestry of a New England church:
Will the last person to leave please
see that the perpetual light is extinguished.

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers
from any but their own graves.

On a roller coaster:
Watch your head.

On the grounds of a public school:
No tresspassing without permission.

In a library:
Blotter paper will no longer be available until the
public stops taking it away.

On a Tennessee highway:
When this sign is under water, this road
is impassable.

lol I just started posting some in the lounge

http://talk-thailand.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2034

lol, I thought I`d post mine here as this is more the `Jokes` and stuff folder so I was trying to keep the humour all in one spot. I can move it over though if you prefer them to be in the same place. :lol:

Great information