Post all sorts of jokes here. You can even post funny articles.

Male and Female Showering Habits

Shower like a woman...

Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.

Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Condition hair with cucumber and lamprey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it's all come off.

Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails and or tweezers (if you can find them).

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend hour and a half getting dressed.


Shower like a man...

Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting "Way Hey!!"

Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique.

Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff.

Get in shower.

Don't bother to look for wash cloth, don't need one.

Wash face.

Wash armpits.

Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower.

Wash bollocks and the surrounding area.

Wash arse, leaving hair on soap.

Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.

Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.

Piss in shower.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.

Partially dry off.

Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again.

Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.

Leave bathroom light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her.

Put on yesterday's clothes.

One day, a girl, 16yrs old, heard from her mother that if she does a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Angel" would come to her in her dreams & give her 3 boons. So she decided to do it. She completed 4 years successfully, doing prayer regularly.

Now it was a day for "Angel" to come. So she slept earlier with thoughts in her mind to ask. And, really an "Angel" comes in her dreams. Now this is the dialogue between them.

Angel: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly within last 4 yrs, so I am very very happy with you. I will complete any of your 3 wishes. You can ask anything you like, but there is one condition.

Girl: Condition!, what is that?

Angel: You have a boy-friend?

Girl: Yes.

Angel: When you were doing a prayer, he was waiting for you, so he also sacrificed same as you. Moreover, he didn’t know anything about boon and all, so he is also eligible for the boons. So whatever you will ask, he will get 10 times more than that of you. If you are agreed, then proceed for the 1st boon.

Girl: (After thinking for some time …): Yes, I am ready.

Girl: 1st, make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the world.

Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times richer than you.

Girl: It’s OK.

Angel: Be as you wish!

Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful girl in the world. Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times handsome than the most handsome boy in the world.

Girl: It’s OK.

Angel: Be as you wish.

Angel: Now the last boon remains.

Girl: O Angel, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.

Angel: What? Are you sure!

Girl: Yes. Very sure!

Angel: Be as you wish.

Think friends, what happened to her boy-friend, he got a severe heart-attack & died at once, while the girl remained alive. Thus, the girl became the world’s most beautiful girl and the richest one, too.

Moral of the story: So intelligent the girls are! Girls are really more intelligent than we believe about them to be. So be careful boys!

Now, girls please stop reading … boys scroll down…

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Dear boys, don't worry, actually what happened is something different than what you all think! Actually, the girl’s boy-friend got a heart-attack, 10 TIMES MILDER than that of the girl. So the boy-friend lived longer than the girl, being world’s richest and the most handsome boy.

Moral of the story: Dear boys, the girls are not really that much intelligent than what we believe them to be. So don't worry if you think that you have girl-friend, intelligent than you.

Hey….I told u girls not to read…

Just for fun with truth…

Top 10 signs your partner needs a vacation




1) He keeps handcuffing himself by accident.



2) He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested.



3) He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.



4) He talks to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop."



5) He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.



6) He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.



7) He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.



8) The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids.



9) Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.



10) He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.