Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
They can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
---------------------------------------------------------
Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
He didn't know which ONE came first.
--------------------------------------------------------
How does a blonde spell 'farm'?
E-I-E-I-O.
---------------------------------------------------
What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
Third grade.
------------------------------------------------------

What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A visitor.
-----------------------------------------------------
Why did the blonde who stay up all night studying?
She had a urine test the next day.
----------------------------------------------------------
What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
---------------------------------------------------------
"Have you read Shakespeare"?
"No, who wrote it?"
--------------------------------------------------------

Why are blondes hurt by peoples' words?
Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
--------------------------------------------------------
Why don't blonds play frisbee?
It hurts their teeth.
--------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!
---------------------------------------------------------

How do blonde braincells die ?
Alone.
---------------------------------------------------------
Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.
---------------------------------------------------------
How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
She tried to drown it.
-----------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.
---------------------------------------------------------
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?
Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
---------------------------------------------------------
How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
------------------------------------------------------------
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
------------------------------------------------------------
What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why do blondes work seven days a week?
So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
-------------------------------------------------------------
How do you drive a blonde crazy?
Give her a bag of M&Ms and ask her arrange in alphabetical order.
----------------------------------------------------------------
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
----------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
Divorced.
------------------------------------------------------------
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff.
----------------------------------------------------------------
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

There's white-out on the screen.
----------------------------------------------------------------
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out.
----------------------------------------------------------------
How can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes go in first.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Why don't blondes double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
---------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A Space Invader.
----------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
Branch Manager.
--------------------------------------------------------

What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
The back of her head.
------------------------------------------------------

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
--------------------------------------------------------

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".
----------------------------------------------------------
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
--------------------------------------------------------
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
-------------------------------------------------------
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
---------------------------------------------------------
Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.
-----------------------------------------------------
To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Grade four.
---------------------------------------------------------
What did the blonde say to the physicist?
"Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
--------------------------------------------------------------

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

She moved.
------------------------------------------------------------
How to you keep a blonde busy all day?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
-------------------------------------------------------------
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run! She's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
------------------------------------------------------------
How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why can't the blonde make ice cubes?
She lost the recipe.
-------------------------------------------------------------
How do you hit a blonde so she will never know it?
With a thought.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
The instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds".
------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
She didn't want one for nights.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
To get chocolate milk.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
How did the blond burn her ear?
The phone rang while she was ironing.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but why couldn't they get in?
The sign said "must be 18 to enter".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Why was the blonde who gave birth to twins mystified?
Because she had sex only once!