This is a true letter sent to the ministry

Subject: Getting a passport

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For crying out loud, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date, you have on my social insurance card, is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years, my health insurance card, my driver's license, on  the last eight bloody passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms  that are done at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die! SHIT!

I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fu**in' address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthals workin' there!

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for crying out loud. I just want to go and park my butt on a sandy beach.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another fu**in copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooo, that'd be too easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the fu**in place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it 'really me on the stupid  picture -you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're FU**ING pissed off!
Signed - An Irate Canadian Citizen

Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy; traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking façade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system; 2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.

Please forward it by Friday.

Yours Sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations

It would be funny except that after the hockey game on the CBC National news they were talking about this exact thing, or almost. Seems it's impossible to get a passport in Vancouver, the lineups are 5 hours plus long and they don't guarantee you will even get in. The lineup for the A&B Sound Boxing day sale is only about 20 minutes. Seems people are taking things into their own hands, they are flying to Winnipeg. That's right [CENSORED] Winnipeg, because their line up is only 1/2 hour long. People are willing to pay $1000 in airfare, meals and accommodations rather than wait for days to get their passport info to the Vancouver office. They were also saying that there is a 6 month wait for mail in passport applications to the passport office in Ottawa. At least Canada has increased it efficiency.

This brings up another interesting point. My wife's Thai passport needs to be updated and my son needs to get his first Thai passport. She called the Thai consulate in Vancouver asked about it and got a choice of Date and time. She setup an appointment for the 28th of the month at 1:45 pm for them both. As we live out of town they also said that they would just courier the passports to us so we would not be inconvenienced and we could just travel home, as they would not be ready until the NEXT day. She doesn't need her birth certificate or pictures either, just her ID card and old passport. We do need some extra stuff for Aran's because it is the first one and both parents are not Thai but it's stuff like our marriage certificate and my passport.

What a difference... Canada could learn something from the Thai's on this one. Ohhhh and they are only $44 Canadian each as compared to $96 for me and $24 ( for 3 years only) for my son, but I can pay another $70 each if I want them urgently...LOL

Sorry, I know is not funny (well a little bit) but ... that's government bureaucracy at it's finest - and is everywhere! It's incredible how governments can make things sooooooo complicated.

Good Luck!

Rick aka CorpRebel