If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
No one is listening unless you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research!
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Don't sweat petty things... or pet sweaty things.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Everybody repeat after me... "We are all individuals."
Death to all fanatics!
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
Borrow money from pessimists... they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you