Daily Talk Forum

This was just too good not to share......

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A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he
noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention
and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"
The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please."
The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the
man had ever had.
The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?" The man
answered "Oh, about 164."
The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity',
'inter-stellar space travel', 'the latest medical break throughs',
etc.......
The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try
a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked
and asked what he would have? "A Martini, please."
Again it was superb! The robot again asked "What is your IQ sir?"
This time the man answered, "Oh about 100". So the robot started
discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to
expect the Dodgers to do this week end.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a
stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"
This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,



"A-r-e......... y-o-u-r......... p-e-o-p-l-e.......... g-o-i-n-g...........t-o.......t-r-y......a-n-d........
n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e.......... B-u-s-h.........a-g-a-i-n-?????

lol, good one. Anyone got any blonde jokes, I love them.

Not exactly a blond joke,,,,,, but maybe

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Brokeback Mountain Ranch
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch,
but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad
in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she
decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him
around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and
knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the
ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to
the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks
great.

You should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
However one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no
hired hand. He returned around two-thirty and upon entering the
room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass
of wine waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.

Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra."

Again with trembling hands he did as he was told and dropped it to
the floor.

Now," she said, "take off my panties."
By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said, "Now... If you ever wear my clothes into
town again, I'll fire you on the spot

Joke of the Day

A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 noticed a really
beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself: "Wow,
she's so gorgeous she must be an off duty flight attendant. But which
airline does she work for?" Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards
her and uttered the Delta slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?" She
gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself:
"Damn, she doesn't work for Delta." A moment later, another slogan
popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special
in the air?" She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked
himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list. This time the woman
turned on him, "What the F*** do you want?"
The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said "Ahhhhh, Thai Airways


Grandfather

Good one GF.... Would be twice as funny if only we didn't know the truth....

A blond gets a new cell phone from her husband.

The next day she goes to Wal-mart and her phone rings, so she answers it.

It was her husband. He says, "How's the new cell phone?"

She replied, "Great...but how did you know I was at Wal-mart?"

Q: Why do blondes wear ponytails?
A: To hide the valve stem!

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.

Imitation of a blonde refuelling..
(Flap hand, blowing air into ears)

Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
A: Air Pockets

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or a death in your family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand & asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The teacher smiles at the student and very sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."


Rick aka CorpRebel

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers in to his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room!"

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine," asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted." "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'"?
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was
driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud! Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie"
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move.
However, I could hear 'ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said "How are you feeling?"
"Now what the hell would you say?!" --