An officer in the New York Mounted Police always paused his horse to rest in the same place every day. One fellah got in the habit of having a donut for the horse when he stopped. One day he offered the horse a donut, and the horse bit him. "Hey!" yelled the guy. "He never did that before!" "Oh, sorry," said the policeman. "I forgot to tell you that this is not my regular horse, and this one only likes poppy-seed bagels. You see, this is a horse of a different cruller."
Aaaaawwwwwww Spunnrt
heres another sickie
A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having a
difficult time keeping time with the rest of the band. Finally, the
captain said, "Either you learn to keep time or I'll throw you
overboard... It's up to you, sync or swim."
A friend of mine works during the summer as a tour guide and musician
on a Mississippi paddle wheeler. He points out areas of interest along
the river, and on the trip we took with him, he remarked on the fact
that there are 30 or so locks along the river, and that certain birds
like to collect the moss that grows by these locks to make their
nests. He says, "We call them the 'lock moss nesters.'"
Stop me if you've heard this one...
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Sitting Bull had three wives who were always quarreling about who among them should be Number One. One was pretty, one was clever, and one was very strong. Finally, tired of their squabbles, he tells his medicine man to resolve the issue.
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Come on Stop me ...
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The medicine man took the wives to his teepee where he had gathered pelts and hides from all over the world. He told each wife to choose a hide and sit on it in front of the sacred campfire. The clever wife chose a pelt of thick white fur, the strong wife chose a hide of orange and black stripes, and the pretty wife chose a hide of rubbery grey leather.
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Okay, you asked for it...
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The medicine man then pointed to the pretty wife and said, "Behold, O Chief, your Number One wife." The chief was pleased, but the other two wives demanded an explanation. The medicine man said, "Even the ancient ones knew that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides."